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Juni 30, 2019
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Here is the Difference Between Love and Infatuation

Posted: 30 Jun 2019 12:00 AM PDT

Here is the Difference Between Love and Infatuation
You're three months into your new relationship, and things are going well. You're constantly thinking of the other person, you're happier than you've ever been, and you may even feel some signs of jealousy when they're around other people. You know it hasn't been that long, but you think you might be in love.

Some people swear that they know if they're in love from the first couple of dates, while others say that love only develops after time, and that the new relationship feeling you're experiencing is more likely to be infatuation.

To get to the bottom of the love versus infatuation debate, we asked sex therapist Ian Kerner , PhD, LMFT, about the the signs of love and infatuation.

What's the difference between love and infatuation?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary definitions of love and infatuation are pretty distinct: love is "a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion to another person," while infatuation is "a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something." Basically, love is a deep, committed attachment to someone, while infatuation is shallower-think of it as the so-called "honeymoon phase."

What are the signs of love vs. infatuation?
Kerner told Men's Health that infatuation tends to happen at the beginning of relationships. "It's usually marked by a sense of excitement and euphoria, and it's often accompanied by lust and a feeling of newness and rapid expansion with a person," he said.

Feeling obsessive, irrationally excited, and, let's face it, really horny ? You're probably in the infatuation phase. Kerner added that while infatuation mostly makes you feel great, you may also feel slightly insecure because things are so new.

But with love, there's a bond there. "Love tends to be something that's cultivated over a long period of time, where you're really getting to know somebody and you're building an attachment," Kerner continued. "You're also creating emotional safety, and you're able to demonstrate vulnerability with that person."

When you love someone, you know personal details about them (besides what their favorite sex position is), and you feel safe being open about yourself as well, like how sad you felt after being passed up for a promotion at work . However, love and infatuation are not mutually exclusive, as most people in a relationship are infatuated with their partners to a certain degree.

Is infatuation positive or negative?
Kerner made it pretty simple: "It [infatuation] is positive when it's being reciprocated, and it's negative when it's being rejected." Basically, if you and your partner both have the new relationship hots for each other, that's great! But if you're dealing with an unrequited love kind of situation, you should probably let it go.

Can infatuation turn into love?
Kerner explained that while the infatuation phase can turn into a loving, long-lasting relationship, it's hard to know if (or when) that will happen. "I mean generally, when you're in love with somebody or infatuated with somebody, you stop seeking others and you focus just on that person. Only time will tell really if infatuation will develop into a long-term attachment and sense of love," he says.

However, there are some things you can do to strengthen your relationship and move it from the honeymoon phase to a real bond. First, give your relationship time - things won't happen overnight. Communication is always important in a relationship, and so is knowing when to compromise. But overall, a sense of commitment to the relationship is what will create the attachment needed to fall in love.






In This Story: #Difference #Between #Love #Infatuation

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Even in 2019, little acts of love remain big winners in romantic relationships

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 11:30 PM PDT

Even in 2019, little acts of love remain big winners in romantic relationships
So I was having a chat with a friend the other day and he was just wondering aloud what he could get his girlfriend for her birthday.

He wanted my opinion on which activity or gift would make the most sense and automatically, I began to think of the grandest thing he could do or give her.

He eventually decided that they'd go for dinner at a fancy place on Lagos Island and some other things like that. It was after that he let out that he wasn't even sure of the particular date of her birthday. For about 10 minutes or so, he kept trying to remember while I mocked him and jested until he finally remembered.

Anyway, the call ended but it got me thinking: here was a guy asking around for the grandest thing he could do for his girl's birthday celebration, but could not even remember the littlest detail – the date of her birth.

Of course, I need to mention here that it was just a momentary lapse of concentration on his part, he's one of the most dedicated, affectionate boyfriends I know. I give him that.

Nonetheless, what struck me on that occasion was that many relationships are actually like this. It even appears that that's what love and relationships have evolved into. We have somehow moved from real substance to appearances and facades.

What really goes on in the relationship is no longer as important as what people see going on in the relationship and sadly, even some marriages roll this way.

Selfies now seem more important than sacrifice and true dedication to one's partner has been replaced by showing them off in Instagram stories and Facebook posts. People can't say cute words or give heartwarming compliments to their partners but go on social media to write things about them.

These things are great, no doubt. I'm sure no one would say no to going on baecations, going on fancy dates, throwing huge surprise birthday parties for their partner, sharing their photos proudly on social media, buying them the most expensive gifts and just pampering them with everything that they have… everything they are.

But maybe we all need to be reminded that these things are just like the storeys of a tall building. They are all placed on the very first floor which is always at the base, where no one really sees it.

Without it, however, the stories can't be standing.

All the grand gestures your bae/boo gets from you are nothing without the little things. How affectionate are you when no one is there, when there are no cameras to capture the moment for outsiders?

How many random text messages do you send to remind them of how much you love them? How much detail do you remember from conversations they have with you? How far do you go to improve their life? How much sacrifice do you make for their lives to be easier?

How much do you compliment him or her? How loyal and faithful are you to them? How many little, random gifts do you leave around for them to stumble upon?

In the end, guys, it is these little things that matter most. The little things are actually your biggest relationship needs.





In This Story: #2019 #little #acts #love #big #winners #romantic #relationships

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Here's the problem with over-using words of endearment with people you are not dating

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 11:00 PM PDT


How wise is it for partners to use sweet endearing words with other people?

Just the other day I had to get some outsiders opinion on something and for this purpose, a friend links me up with one sweet-sounding babe like that.

So I call this lady and ask her few questions. By the time I was ending the call after eight minutes or thereabouts, I naturally thank her for being helpful.

She responds in her tender, almost-seductive voice. "You're welcome, dearie," she says, and as innocent and harmless as that might sound, it really had me triggered.

As an isolated case, being called 'dearie' just one time by an outsider who has only answered your questions for eight minutes and has never seen your face is not a problem. However, on a grander scale and as related to romantic relationships, misuse of words of endearment is actually something worth talking about.

Think about it; you must know three, four, maybe more people who punctuate almost every sentence with affectionate words such as 'love', 'baby', 'sweetheart', 'lovey,' 'darling' and so on and so annoyingly forth.

It does not matter that these are people they just met and it also doesn't seem to matter that these people actually have partners. Not to sound stuck up or to act as a wet towel, I sincerely think words of endearment should not be thrown around anyhow. Doing this dwindles the importance and value those words are supposed to have.

They become so commonplace that their purport is lost on those to whom they should mean something, those who should feel good hearing them.

Words of endearment are meant to make you feel good. They are affectionate words that convey feelings; and they are supposed to ascribe some sort of special feeling on whoever you say them to.Friends can call each other with some endearing words, parents use words of endearment for their kids and more relevantly, partners use cute, specially-created words for each other.

Generalising these endearing names and titles belittles their special nature, downplays the feelings attached to them and could cause problems in your relationship/marriage.

So you affectionately call your boyfriend 'Hunk' and he likes it. It makes him feel manly and attached to you in some unique, cutesy way.

Now imagine him hearing you call every other guy by that name and with the same amount of honey in your inflected voice as you do so.

The significance of that name as bonding tool in that your relationship becomes reduced, if not completely lost if you keep up the habit.

There might also be questions to answer, depending on how jealous the man is and how much value has been attached to that endearing word.

Similarly, imagine your boyfriend calling many other babes 'Angel', when you thought that was a name you felt he adoringly set apart just for you.

It is also, in a way, a matter of respect for your partner.

You can't be in a relationship and continue giving every Cynthia, Amaka and Damilola you come across endearing names. Same thing applies to ladies, who seem to even be guiltier of this behaviour. You shouldn't be using those special, endearing words with other men.

Kill that habit even if your partner hasn't been complaining.

Misappropriating these terms of endearment will not necessarily cause problems or steer your relationship into ruin; nonetheless, since you now know better, you need to do better.

How the Nigerian fashion industry is galvanising the gender fluidity movement

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 10:31 PM PDT

How the Nigerian fashion industry is galvanising the gender fluidity movement
For decades, fashion has been used as a vehicle for expression, protest and a way of subverting how we look at ourselves and each other. 

All over the world, people have used fashion to push a narrative and now, the Nigerian fashion industry is experiencing its very own debate on gender fluidity.

As our fashion industry constantly evolves, we are witnessing the idea of 'menswear' which is being boldly challenged by a generation of new designers and creatives intent on blurring boundaries and refusing to be constructed by societal norms. 

For decades, women have embraced gender fluidity with relative ease by wearing clothes that are seen as traditionally 'masculine'. The foray into gender fluid dressing for men, however, is more complex and generally, more stigmatised, especially in the context of traditional African culture.

In a typical Nigerian cultural setting a boy isn't allowed to wear makeup, or allowed to wear his hair a particular way or dress in a feminine manner. There are certain roles and behaviors assigned to each gender from birth that we grow up with and internalise. Any deviation from that behaviour elicits heavy criticism and sparks outrage.

Orange Culture is a brand that has been pushing that narrative steadily for the last few years. Creative Director, Adebayo Oke-Lawal, a style icon in his own right, has built Orange Culture into a beacon of light for the modern Nigerian man who refuses to be constrained by societal expectations of what men should wear, do and be.

According to Adebayo,  "The 'Orange Culture man' is definitely adventurous and his lifestyle is creative, not necessarily because of his job but because he has a lifestyle that is constantly tapping into creativity. 

And when he is buying clothes he likes clothes that tell a story. I would say an Orange culture man is emotional because he wants to feel rather than just wear a garment. He wants to feel and hear what the garment is about. He is open-minded and a forward thinker. I would sum him up as a modern day African man.

Androgyny is really just about fluidity and the idea that pieces can be passed between men and women. It is about easy conversion. It's a good business strategy as you're easily covering a wider market. 

For us we are really concerned with the softness that I have already talked about that in African culture is a trait only afforded to women. We are telling people that actually that vulnerability exists in a man as well and that does not take anything away from his manhood. 

If we say a woman was taken from a man's rib, we also then must accept that her femininity also exists in him and that should be celebrated. He should be allowed to tap into these emotions that we have deemed feminine without his masculinity being called into question. That's the sort of androgyny we like to explore. We are pulling from the 'feminine' softness and putting into masculinity."

When it comes to freedom of expression, women undoubtedly have the caveat on that especially in the African culture. Be it through our ever changing hair or ability to wear what we like (African values on modesty notwithstanding). 

To be a man is far more rigid.

However, the younger generation are taking it upon themselves to break down all that past generations have upheld about male and female identities. They are ready to challenge and break down those barriers and refuse to be bound to one idea of masculinity.

There is a conversation that allows for a man to experience all sorts of emotions. It is also allowing men to explore fashion in a different way and enter realms that have traditionally been female. And now everyone wants to wear everything.

That divisive line that used to be so black and defined is becoming grey. People are no longer afraid to express their most authentic selves and in doing so, have created an atmosphere that delimits expression.

The fashion industry is responding to this rallying call. It is offering people a way to express and escape and feel.

Gender fluidity takes center stage in Nigerian publication 'A Nasty Boy' founded by the inimitable and fiercely brave Richard Akuson. Through the publication, Akuson has challenged the limiting gender norms that Nigerians abide by and has done so through provocative imagery and unapologetic rhetoric. In a country where homosexuality is punishable by 14 years in prison, the defiance of the publication is admirable.

In giving a voice to the voiceless and supporting the LGBTQ community in Nigeria, the publication is giving a much-needed middle finger to the extreme and outdated laws surrounding the LGBTQ community.

In pushing the idea of gender-fluidity, Richard is cleverly opening the doors to the conversation of alternative lifestyles, giving the LGBTQ a safe space, a platform with which to express themselves without explicitly 'promoting' homosexuality.

The entire publication subconsciously encourages its audience to read between the lines.

The Observers writes, "A Nasty Boy's fashion shoots regularly picture male models in make-up and womenswear, and female models in men's clothing. One photo story shows a bare-chested man made up with shiny lip gloss and glitter frosting his cheekbones, staring defiantly at the camera; another features two men posing on a beach, oozing sex appeal in sequinned dresses and form-fitting cigarette trousers. The images are glossy and rebellious, and even more so in a country like Nigeria, a strongly religious society where androgyny and cross-dressing are often associated with homosexuality, which is a crime in Nigeria."

In an interview with The Observers, Richard Akuson is adamant that the magazine is not a "gay magazine" specifically but he created it to champion youth culture in the country and find young, new talent with a message to send.

 "A lot of the models we work with are excited to explore the themes that we are interested in. We worked with one model for whom it was like escapism. It was exciting: he got to be a different person. Often models are very interested in sartorial experimentation – they might be heterosexual but sartorially curious about gender queerness and dressing in clothes that are typically girly.

I wouldn't say that the people we work with are gay or part of an LGBTQ community. The definition of masculinity and femininity is very exclusive and very singular in the sense that there's never room for people who don't fit, or people who stand out. I have always believed that fashion could be used as a medium to do so much more.

Gender fluidity is not criminalised in the country like homosexuality is. Men are able to cross-dress for the purpose of entertainment. But it is stigmatised because it is associated with your sexuality. It's controversial in a hostile country like this. Celebrities like Denrele and Bobrisky have been very controversial, but lots of followers love them for what they do, and attitudes towards gender are evolving.

People are beginning to be more open to the idea that people can be gender-fluid. I have seen a lot of Nigerian men wearing shoes or apparel that is typically meant for the female gender. And they're not thinking about it in that way, but they just want to wear what they want. So, the landscape around how people see these alternative lifestyles is changing, even in such a religious country that is intolerant of LGBTQ people."

According to writer and activist, Munachim Amah, 'Our concept of gender and sexuality are simply outdated. There is so much we have to unlearn and relearn about the diverse and valid experiences we all experience within gender and sexuality.'

Until then, the many who don't fit into the 'accepted' concepts of gender and sexuality often sacrifice themselves for the benefit of the people in their lives and society. 

As Nigerians continue along their journey to enlightenment and understanding of alternative lifestyles, we will continue to use the medium of fashion to break down the barriers that not only limit our creativity and freedom of expression but that continuously prevent people from living their own truths. 




In This Story: #Nigerian #fashion #industry #galvanising #gender #fluidity #movement

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How to make the best of this weather-for-two season

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 10:00 PM PDT

How to make the best of this weather-for-two season
It's mid-2019 and the rains are upon us. Heavy, ceaseless, wet. Sometimes disruptive, sometimes comforting but at all times reminding us that it's here to do its time and that we might as well get used to it while it lasts.

As this article here explains; "once the clouds darken and the rains begin to pour, tweets and posts on social media begin to lean towards the need for a warm body to lie next to and do sexy stuff with." and that is pure facts.

It is also indicative of how this kind of weather affects sexual behaviour, and influences partners get more intimate and more handsy with each other.

According to sexual health expert, Yeside Olayinka-Agbola, "the rainy season is a great time for lovers. The cold and stormy weather ignites a desire for warmth in us and what better way to get warm than rubbing bodies between the sheets with your lover.

"The pitter patter of rain and the wind crashing on the windows is relaxing and puts people in the mood. It creates a perfect soundtrack for intense lovemaking sessions.

Yeside who runs Olori Coitus Wellness, is a well-versed sex educator and a self-proclaimed pleasure advocate who has experience guiding individuals and couples in creating a deeper connection with their sexuality.

Pulse reached out to the expert on how married couples and other partners can make the best of their sex lives in this season of ceaseless rains, her tip was simple and straight to the point - slow it down and enjoy every moment; savour every second and extend the experience as much as you can.

Because "the rainy season... tends to slow things down," Yeside advises that you should "take a break from your usual frantic Lagosian pace. Slow your love making down by engaging in long intense lovemaking sessions.

"Ditch the quickies and spend good time on foreplay, taking time to explore and enjoy each other's bodies."

She adds that it is extra important to use all the hours spent hiding from the rain wisely. If there is any time to be a little more adventurous than normal, now is it, she says.

In her words: "the rains will likely be keeping you indoors more so explore having sex in different areas of your home besides the bedroom: the living room, kitchen, bathroom are great locations for getting it hot."

And if you are reading this, wondering what the fuss really is about weather-for-two, this article here is just for you.




In This Story: #best #weatherForTwo #season

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Presidency Summons Perm Sec, Fed. Ministry Of Agric Over RUGA Settlements Wide Spread Criticisms

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 06:09 PM PDT


Fedreal Government

Apparently jolted by the barrage of criticisms the announcement of commencement of implementation of federal government's cattle settlement policy, tagged Ruga settlement, has generated, the presidency Thursday summoned the Permanent Secretary, Federal Ministry of Agriculture and Rural Development, Alhaji Muhammadu Umar.

Umar had on Monday, told journalists that the federal government had commenced the implementation of the policy in 12 states, saying it was a pilot scheme meant to test-run the government's solution to the endemic herders' confrontation with crop farmers nationwide.

His pronouncement attracted loud outcry from the government of Benue State and the governors of South-east states, who stated clearly on Tuesday that the policy would be resisted by them.

The protesters on Wednesday received hefty support from such socio-cultural groups as Afenifere, Ohanaeze Ndigbo, Pan-Niger Delta Development Forum (PANDEF) and the Middle-Belt Forum as well as social critics, who rejected the policy as unworkable and unacceptable.

Ministry sources told THISDAY yesterday that Umar was called to the presidency to explain his statement, which is believed to be unauthorised, particularly given the sensitive nature of the policy said to still be at consultative stage.

The permanent secretary had said the federal government had commenced the building of Ruga settlements to curb the recurrent clashes between farmers and cattle herders, pointing out that the establishment of the settlements had been "settled along with other people that are interested in rearing animals."

But THISDAY gathered that he might have exceeded the limits of his office by discussing the issue without authorisation as this ought to be the prerogative of the minister.

A source said the permanent secretary might have spoken too soon as the federal government had not concluded consultations with the pilot states, most of them still resistant to the policy.

"Obviously, the Perm Sec was too forward in his pronouncement. While it is true that the federal government had the policy on the ground, it was still negotiating with some of the states involved and wanted a consensus before proceeding with implementation," a source said, adding: "But with the serious resistance from most of the pilot states, it is not impossible for the federal government to abandon the policy."

Umar's categorical statement, said the source, put the federal government on the spot and could jeopardise the implementation of the policy.

Umar had during an interview with journalists on Monday stated that the federal government had commenced the establishment of farm settlements to stop the constant clashes between farmers and herders, which have negatively impacted the economy.

According to him, already, the government has commenced the establishment of "Ruga Settlements" in 12 pilot states for the benefits of cattle rearers.

He said: "It is a concept that we developed to deal with internal security and we felt that to do away with herders and farmers' conflict, we need to settle those that breed animals.

"We want to get them a place whereby we develop a settlement for them, we provide water for their animals, we provide pasture, we provide schools for their children; we provide security, agro-rangers.

"We also felt we need to develop cattle markets whereby you don't need to be transporting animals for a very long distance.

"Under the new plan, cattle herders are expected to be registered and recognised with cooperatives for the purpose of the ranching scheme.

"These cooperatives will then be able to get rental agreements for land from state governments and also benefit from ranch resources on several terms including loans, grants, and subsidies.

"The Ruga settlement is one of the very important things not only in Nigeria but most of the countries in the Sub-Saharan."

Source: This Day

Here are five explosive things Busola Dakolo said about Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 07:30 AM PDT

One of the most shocking and explosive stories you'd be reading today is that of Timi Dakolo's wife, Busola Dakolo revealing how the senior pastor of Commonwealth Of Zion Assembly, Biodun Fatoyinbo raped her twice years ago.

Here are five explosive things Busola Dakolo said about Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo
In an exclusive interview with YNaija, Busola gave a detailed account of how she met the pastor while she was in secondary school and started worshipping at his then club turned church after a lot of persuasions from her sisters.

Busola Fatoyinbo revealed in graphic details how Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo was ruthless and unremorseful during the period he raped her. She went on to reveal how she finally opened up to her family about the raped incident and how her brother was held back from attacking Pastor Fatoyinbo. Here are five explosive things Busola Dakolo said about Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.

Their first encounter

"I have to say this is the first time I would be coming out like in public to discuss something with someone else, except my family and my husband. I was still in secondary school and I came home, I was still staying in Ilorin because I was born in Ilorin, went to primary and secondary in Ilorin. I returned home for a particular holiday and my sisters all told me that they are now going to a particular club...I went there and they said time for new first timers to stand up and I did, introduced myself as Busola and explained my journey there," she said.

She went on to talk about how she wasn't really interested in coming to the club because of the way they worshiped God but was impressed by the kind of messages and what people had to say.

"After the message, Pastor Bioudun Fatoyinbo preached, he came to meet me after the service, then it wasn't COZA, it was called Divine Delight Club and he wasn't married yet but he was engaged to his present wife. He came to meet me and said I was such a bold lady that he had never seen someone like this, that I needed to keep the fire then he said, can you do something in the next meeting before you go to school? He asked me when I'll be going back to school...then I told him I can sing and he said that's great. He then said he plays the keyboard that he would help me rehearse. So, I told my sisters," she said.

For Busola, because she was skeptical about the club, she informed her sister about her unwillingness to actually go ahead with the plan to which they rebuffed her. She, however, agreed and decided to go ahead.

"My sister then took me to his house, he was living with his father and his wife was always there. She left me there because he was already seated by the keyboard. As at then, I didn't have a phone, even my house, we didn't have any landline. So he asked me what kind of song I wanted to sing, I did and we rehearsed and I went back home. So the next meeting I did the song and I was singing someone came out to give his life to Christ...after the service he gave me books to read, but it wasn't at the spot," she said.

How Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo raped her the first time

The first time he visited, he asked if she'd join him on an errand run. Her mother was concerned but didn't really push when Busola insisted that she wanted to go. They drove in his white Mercedes Benz and finally spoke for the first time. Though she was normally guarded around men, Fatoyinbo was charming, using his knowledge of her family and the absence of her father to gain her trust. Before long, he was visiting the house regularly, engaging her in ways her unavoidably distant sisters weren't.

"One particular day, Pastor Biodun came to meet me and he said, you don't like to talk and he was like how are you and I was like I'm fine. He started coming to my house and my family was very involved in the COZA," she wrote.


Then one morning, Fatoyinbo showed up at her house unannounced. It was a Monday morning early enough that Busola Dakolo was still in her nightgown. Her mother had traveled with her sisters and were absent at service the previous Sunday. He didn't say a word, forcing her onto a chair, speaking only to command her to do as he said. It took Busola a while to come to terms with what was about to happen, and it was why she didn't struggle or make a fuss when he pulled down her underwear and raped her. She remembers he didn't say anything after, left to his car, returned with a bottle of Krest and forced her to drink it, probably as some crude contraceptive. She remembers him saying. 

"You should be happy that a man of God did this to you." At this time, his wife had just given birth to their first child, Oluwashindara.

Raping her the second time

She was too terrified to tell her sisters or mother about his violence, stewing in silence for a week. Her sisters were active in the church, and to avoid suspicion she followed them to church the next Sunday. She remembers he spoke about grace during the service and after, Modele Fatoyinbo asks that she come to help her with her new baby, something she had never done before. It was normal for church members to come to serve at the pastor's house so her sisters allayed her protests. 

Feeling she had no options, she went to her pastor's house, Fatoyinbo tried to isolate her later that night from his wife and their daughter by insisting she slept in the family's guest room. She managed to thwart his plans, appealing to the pastor's wife to let her sleep in their master bedroom. "No one ignores me." He would tell her this the next morning, smacking her butt. It was an ominous enough statement that Busola became apprehensive and tried to leave for her house once it was past twilight. It was the first of many threats she would get from the flamboyant pastor.

Fatoyinbo would insist on dropping her off at home, even though she protested several times. Instead of dropping her off at the junction as he had promised, he detoured, driving her away from safety and towards a secluded spot. He threatened her the entire drive, making proclamations about how he owned her and how he was angry that he had thwarted her the night before. He opened the car, pulled her out of the passenger seat and raped her a second time in the space of a week. First behind the car, then moving her to the bonnet for ease of access. 

She didn't fight, she had lost all her will to. She'd protected her virginity for so long that having it forcefully taken this way broke her. He guided back into the car when he was done, and told her he loved her, speaking of how he'd told his pastors that men of God raped women, that there was nothing special about what he did. He dropped her off outside her home as though everything was normal.

Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo confessing 

In Lagos, her sister who she believes has the Sight, told her about a dream she had had, where she'd seen Busola crying, blood on a chair and Fatoyinbo smiling. She asked her pointedly, breaking months of silence and starting a flood of admissions about the rape and everything that had happened. Her sister convinced her to return to Ilorin and together they told her other sisters and her brother, who was studying at the University of Ilorin. Her brother flew into a rage, grabbing a pocket knife and taking her to Fatoyinbo's house. He was able to intercept them before they reached his house, and together with Wole Soetan, who she suggests is now the pastor of the COZA Portharcourt branch, convince them to return home and that Fatoyinbo would follow. 

The pastor and two of his church members would eventually come to pacify her family, blaming the devil and Soetan even promising to leave the church to show how little tolerance he had for promiscuity.

After Soetan would confide in Busola that he couldn't leave the church because he felt Fatoyinbo was 'weak' and needed spiritual guidance and support. He convinced her siblings to keep the rape and assault from her mother. Numb to all emotion, Busola pretended to concede and after two weeks of constant visitation from the pastors and the unspoken implication that Fatoyinbo was an alleged reformed cultist with a lot to lose if news of her rape went public, she returned to the church to protect her family and project normalcy.

How Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo continued to target her

Fatoyinbo continued to target Busola in the intervening months, organizing prayer sessions and specialized deliverance sessions with guest pastors to help 'repair' her 'bondage' and suggesting to her that the violence he had meted towards her was a problem they both had in common and needed communal deliverance, Busola would find out that Fatoyinbo had been telling church members that she wasn't ready for a relationship when the pastor's cousin befriended her.

Their time would eventually develop into a relationship and she would confide in him about what had happened to her. With his help, she would leave the church and join another congregation. 





In This Story: #five #explosive #things #BusolaDakolo #Pastor #BiodunFatoyinbo

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Twitter goes wild as Timi Dakolo's wife opens up on how Pastor Fatoyinbo allegedly raped her

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 07:00 AM PDT


Here are some of the reactions on Twitter since Busola Dakolo's now viral interview where she alleged that Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo rapred her, broke the internet.

For a few years now, one person who has called out the senior pastor of COZA, Biodun Fatoyinbo is Timi Dakolo. Little did we know that the continuous dragging was more than meets the eye.

On Friday, June 28, 2019, a series of videos were released on social media which contained an exclusive interview Busola Dakolo granted with YNaija. In that interview, she gave a detailed and explosive account of how she was allegedly raped not once but twice by the popular Abuja based pastor, Biodun Fatoyinbo.

Since the release of that interview, Twitter has erupted with comments that will definitely blow your minds. For some this one interview that was too graphic to be a lie while for others, the pastor should face the wrath of the law. Here are some of the reactions on Twitter since Busola Dakolo's now viral interview where she alleged that Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo rapred her, broke the internet.




In This Story: #Twitter #wild #TimiDakolo #wife #PastorFatoyinbo #allegedly #raped #her

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Don Jazzy, Toke Makinwa other celebrities react to Busola Dakolo's alleged rape accusation

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 06:30 AM PDT

Check out the reactions of your some of your favourite celebrities as Busola Dakolo accuses Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of raping her years ago.

A number of celebrities have come out to stand with one of their own, Timi Dakolo after his wife's now-famous interview where she accused the senior pastor of COZA, Biodun Fatoyinbo of raping her twice.
From Don Jazzy, Toke Makinwa to Simi and even Banky W, the list is endless of the celebrities who have come out to openly drag the popular Abuja pastor, while consoling Timi Dakolo and his wife, Busola over the ugly incidents.

So guys here is how some of your favourite celebrities are reacting to Busola's now famous interview with YNaija where she alleged that Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA raped her years ago.

Don Jazzy

For Don Jazzy, he was happy that Busola Dakolo was standing out as the face for women who have been through situations like hers. Don Jazzy made this known via his Instagram page on Friday, June 28, 2019.

"Thank you for being a voice for the many women that don't have the courage to speak out yet. It is important we let our mothers, sisters, daughters know that you cannot be bullied for speaking the truth. #iStandWithBusola @busoladakolo @timidakolo," he wrote.

Toke Makinwa

Toke Makinwa sees Busola Dakolo as a strong woman who has stood out despite all that she reportedly went through in the hands of her alleged rapist years ago. She went on to thank her for speaking out, thank you for unlocking the door for others to do the same.


"This is our sister, let us lift her up in light. All I see is a strong, black woman who beat the odds to survive the horror and nightmare of abuse. I am so sorry you had to go through this, I am so sorry babe. Thank you for speaking out, thank you for unlocking the door for others to do the same. Your Pain is not in vain, your pain will break the chains for other people who are in the dark. Well done. You are beautiful, I applaud your courage, I salute you for doing this. Guys pls let us come together and love on her, let us lift her up in love and stand by her. Let us stand in her shoes and speak out against injustice. Let the perpetrator face the law. Lawyers in the building let's do this right.

"To watch your abuser daily go on unrepentant is the worst thing that anyone can imagine and @busoladakolo needs justice. Let the system work this time. God will mend your broken heart, God will heal your soul and protect you. Dear @timidakolo God bless you for standing and speaking out even when you faced heavy criticism, thank you for being strong for your other half, this hurts so much, so so much and I pray we get justice. We cannot let this slide, let's not stop at talking on Social media, let us use our network to get every victim the justice they deserve. If we don't fight now, we have failed all the victims, we have silenced the voices that need to be heard too. cc @opetodolapo," she wrote.

Simi

Simi couldn't hide her disdain for the actions of Busola's alleged rapist. She, however, adviced women to speak out when they find themselves in conditions like this. She went on to share a part of the video where Busola gave a comprehensive account of her experience in the hands of Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.


"Furious. See how shaken she is reliving it. I pray sharing this truth relieves you of this burden @busoladakolo To this man's supporters - serve God, but don't follow any man blindly. Ask questions! If it feels wrong, don't ignore it. If u see something, talk! #iStandWithBusola," she wrote.

Banky W

Just like everyone who applauded Busola's boldness and courage for coming to speak out, Banky W expressed his displeasure over the video but thanked her and sent all his love to her. He also shared the now famous video on his Instagram page where she gave an account of what happened to her years ago.


"@busoladakolo this was so hard to watch... I am so sorry you went through this nightmare. But I am SOOOO PROUD of you for sharing your truth. You didn't speak up for yourself alone, but for all the voiceless victims who have suffered similar horrors at the hands of predators like him. Sending love, light and support your way. We are standing by you and @timidakolo. God bless, protect and strengthen you. Stay strong. You are incredible. #Unbroken #Unchained #iStandWithBusola," he wrote.

Akah Nnanni

The rising movie star who revealed that he worships at the COZA, where Biodun Fatoyinbo pastors, said he was in shock at this latest video and wanted the pastor to come out and say his own side of the story. He, however, said he stands with Busola on this one since she has come out to reveal what she experienced in the hands of Biodun Fatoyinbo.

"I woke up to several missed calls, and text messages. My friends know my relationship with @cozaglobal. Let me say this. COZA is my church. I love my pastor... But rape is a serious issue. My stomach churns as I write this. I spoke with @timidakolo a week ago and tried to understand why he had taken a stance against my pastor. I had just come back from honeymoon when all my friends sent me his attacks to my pastor a few weeks ago. I sought to understand, not to attack. I was under so much turmoil too because this is my church, my pastor, and I cannot go around like nothing is happening and the church isn't addressing anything or re-assuring the members. We must not see evil and cover it. We must not see evil and turn the other way. You all know me. I attack and speak out against corrupt political leaders every time.


"My pastor @biodunfatoyinbo has to say something this time. If the rest of the church does not need it, I need it. For my sake, sir... Speak on this. I stand with @busoladakolo as she has spoken her truth. I stand with the body of Christ also. I ask that my pastor come out and speak his own truth. I am praying for the church. Please let us pray for both the Dakolo and the Fatoyinbo families. (wife and kids). In the end, if we need to, let us scatter the place... Then the truth will stand up. 💔," he wrote.


Busola Dakolo had on Friday, June 28, 2019, in an exclusive interview with YNaija revealed that she was raped by Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo when she was seventeen years old in Ilorin, Kwara state.




In This Story: #DonJazzy #TokeMakinwa #celebrities #react #BusolaDakolo #alleged #rape #accusation

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CDQ releases 'Onye Eze 2.0' featuring Zlatan

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 06:00 AM PDT

CDQ 'Onye Eze featuring Zlatan
The song sees the rappers liken themselves to wealthy Nigerians 

Artist: CDQ featuring Zlatan 

Song title: Onye Eze 2.0

Genre: Shepeteri

Date of release: June 28, 2019

Album: TBA

Producer: TBA

Label: TBA

Details/Takeaway: Earlier in the month,the rapper released 'Onye Eze,' based on the infamous episode of Blessing Okoro. 

He is back with a remix to that. 

Listen to the song below;



In This Story: #CDQ #releases #OnyeEze #20 #featuring #Zlatan

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35 years later, man finally gets to dance with the lady that snubbed him in OAU

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 05:30 AM PDT

Nigerian man, Ope Banwo, has shared a beautiful story on his Facebook page. Banwo, a lawyer and entrepreneur based in the US, recounted how his former classmate identified as Dayo Awotesu, turned him down when he asked for a dance with her 35 years ago, and how he carried the "pain" in his heart for many years.

Recently, he had the chance to dance with her and has shared his joy in this beautiful piece he wrote.

Read below.



THE DANCE THAT TOOK ME 35 YEARS TO GET!! Finally, After 35 Years, I got The Redemption Dance! This picture below is a great example why you can never give up or ever say never, never to anything.

The picture has such a rich story behind it that it will take a day to explain but here is the summary: I once asked this sweet babe, Dayo Awotesu (one of the most beautiful girls in my Unife Law Class Of 1985) to dance at an off campus party in 1984 when we were all still teenagers in the University. However, She 'NAILED' me and refused to dance with me. Ouch!

My friends laughed at me at that party for trying to 'punch above my weight'. My dressing was awful becos I went to that party in the borrowed T-shirt of my buddy, Muyiwa Omole. So it was loose fitting and l looked like a 'refugee' compared to her o. (In my Defence sha, dayo was so stunningly hot, and also had a very rich dad, it took serious heart for most guys in our class then to even summon the courage to say 'hello' to her though she herself was always sweet to everyone and approachable. So getting the boldness to ask for dance should earn me points but my 'wicked' friends then were having none of that excuse. A Nail is a Nail, they said. .)

For years my closest buddies laughed at my 'nailing' experience whenever her name came up. She probably didn't even remember the incident for years.

Afterall, I must be just one of the long line of the casualty list of The Nailed who wanted a piece of her

But I never gave up on The Dance!

Fast forward 35 years to the day of the 'nail', I ran into her again on our Unife 1985 Alumni group and of course since I never give up on a loss, I used the occasion to quickly 'demand' my Restitution Dance o and this time my good colleagues which included judges of the high court and Court of Appeals , SANs, SSGs, Oil. Maritime and power executives etc, even Deputy Governors all chimed in and demanded that 'restitution' must be made!

Before you could say 'nail!', a couple of my colleagues had paid for Hall and arranged food and drinks in Lekki and a Reunion Dance was fixed for Sunday June 16th. Gbaam!

Over 50 people in our 1985 Unife Law graduating class of about 120 people now scattered globally signed up to come for the Reunion and The Restitution Dance! Many are already Grandpa… some with bulging stomachs while some remained uncannily the same in looks

So last week I flew down from the USA For the first reunion Party of our illustrious 1985 Law Graduate set of Unife85 and I GOT my Dance with Dayo Awotesu (now Jalekun)

Of course since anticipation was high for the Redemption Dance I had to practice up a bit and my young daughter also showed me how to make some 'Zanku Moves')

This picture is evidence that The Nail has finally been removed.

Dayo, My Dancee, remained the sweetest babe you can ever know and she was gracious all through and she and her colleagues even baked a giant cake and wrote all our set member names on it too. Amazing !

Last week in Lagos was Probably the HAPPIEST I have been in a long time to be among my colleagues some of which I have not seen in 33 years after law school. We had serious fun and celebrated each other as teenage colleagues and many old friendships were renewed.

Moral: it's a funny story but it says' Never give up on your dreams'. 'Never dwell on negativity or setback'. What once once a bitter or embarrassing experience could very well turn out to be a big source of joy later in life and the catalyst for great friendships and opportunities

Dayo Awotesu Jalekun, you Rock!!!





In This Story: #35Years #man #finally #dance #lady #snubbed #OAU

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Lady left heart-broken after Naira Marley comes back from prison and forgets her

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 05:00 AM PDT

Lady left heart-broken after Naira Marley comes back from prison and forgets her
While Naira Marley was in prison over allegations of internet fraud, a young lady became an internet sensation after she was seen crying and pleading for the singer's release.

Since Naira Marley's release from prison after perfecting his bail condition, the singer never made any effort to acknowledge or appreciate the lady.

This made the lady to be heartbroken as she cries out yet again in a new video that has surfaced online.

In the viral video, she was seen crying profusely in a very horrible manner.

In her words, she said:

"After everything, Naira Marley came out and forgot me, It is not good at all."





In This Story: #Lady #heartbroken #NairaMarley #prison #forgets #her

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Ohanaeze Asks Tinubu To Forget His 2023 Presidential Ambition

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 05:01 AM PDT

Asiwaju Bola Tinubu

Mixed reactions have greeted the news of the alleged ambition of Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, the national leader of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), to run for the presidency in 2023.

Among such reactions is the one from Ohanaeze Ndigbo, the Igbo apex social cultural group, who kicked against the alleged ambition of the APC national leader, Sahara Reporters have reported.

Chuks Ibegbu, the deputy national publicity secretary of the group, made the group's position known in an interview with reporters on Friday, July 29, in Umuahia, Abia state.

Ibegbu said: "This is the time for him and other Nigerians that made their wealth solely from Nigeria's politics, to pay back to the society what they milked directly and indirectly. I wonder why and how Tinubu could nurse such ambition when the south east and the third leg of Nigeria is yet to occupy the position.

"I laud Tinubu's courage and efforts to deepen the democratic space from the June 12 days, but it appears diminishing return is now setting in. I think it's high time for him to help build an equitable and just Nigeria.

RELATED:  Former PDP Chieftain Reveals Why He Joined APC Is To Spearhead Tinubu's 2023 Presidential Ambition

"He should be less controversial and less ambitious, so that, those who cherish his doggedness will not abandon him in the years ahead. Let him listen to the voices of wisdom from Yoruba land. You know our Yoruba brothers are known as arbiters of fairness and justice."

The Ohanaze's reaction came shortly after Senator Adeseye Ogunlewe, a former minister of works, said that Tinubu is the best person to succeed President Muhammadu Buhari in 2023.

Ogunlewe, who recently dumped the main opposition party, the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) for the APC, said that he will support Tinubu if he runs for the presideny in 2023.

Reno Omokri – Church weddings and ‘for better, for worse’ are SATANIC

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 04:30 AM PDT

Reno Omokri
Reno Omokri is not done with his 'marriage' sermon on social media today. Earlier he explained that God didn't empower any priest or pastor to join a couple in holy matrimony.

Now, he's said 'church weddings and for better for worse are unbiblical rituals'.

According to him, 'a lot of people are deceived by carefully crafted words. When a church uses the term 'marriage rites', they are talking about rituals that are no better than voodoo rituals.

"CHURCH WEDDING is an unbiblical RITUAL. One of the worst thing in that EUROPEAN CULTURE passed off as BIBLICAL DOCTRINE is the use of the phrase 'for BETTER for WORSE, in SICKNESS and in HEALTH'.

Do you know that is a CURSE? You are accepting an evil prophesy. God's testimony about you and your marriage is that;

"GOODNESS and MERCY shall follow you ALL (not SOME) the days of your life"-Psalm 23:6. You CONFESS your FAITH, not your FEARS"




In This Story: #RenoOmokri #Church #weddings #ForBetter #ForWorse #SATANIC

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How lady started NYSC vs How she ended, her body transformation would shock you

Posted: 29 Jun 2019 04:00 AM PDT

How lady started NYSC vs How she ended, her body transformation would shock you
Ronke Bodamisi, a make-up artiste, beauty expert and marketer of hair products recently completed her compulsory National Youth Service Corp programme in Zaria, Kaduna State and she is documenting how she shed so much weight within 10 months.

As seen in the pictures, the young woman of Yoruba descent started the programme with so much fat which affected her looks and shape but she was able to shed them off due to regular exercise.

Here is her testimony below:

"How I went in VS How I came out !!! The last picture is my favorite, my nysc year was a life changing period for me . I remember how I use to 'occupy space ' in group photos , but now I am normal weight with everybody and I don't look like anyone's mother anymore. My journey is 10 months old next week . To every one who inboxed me and I promised them a weight loss class in July , I am sorry . Next one will be in September when I am celebrating my one year journey, so many unfinished businesses to wrap up and deal with . I am really happy with myself and really excited about how far I have come. #doneanddusted #nysc"

She is celebrating her weight loss feat as well as the completion of her NYSC programme which took place recently. Ronke who runs online businesses has suddenly become an inspiration to full-figured Nigerian women online.








In This Story: #lady #NYSC #vs

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